Dogs of War

News exclusive: Barney Revokes Support For War

Highly placed confidential veterinary sources close to the White House report that Barney, the First Dog, has withdrawn support for the Wars of Middle East liberation. According to several sources inside the doghouse, Barney has been politicized by reports of military patrol dogs being wounded and killed at a rate much higher than that sustained by the National Guard and U.S. Army Reserve troops serving in theatre.

Barney revoked support after his master, GWB, refused to let Barney join a National Guard patrol dog training program. Barney felt that even a doggy member of the Bush family could be helpful in the War on Terror. Four more paws on the ground from the First Family would inspire the dog corps, he felt. Barney appeared dogfaced after his rejection, but seemed placated after Mrs. Bush pinned a small enamel flag on his collar.

The President went on record and said that Barney could not be deployed to a combat zone because he is knowledgeable of classified information that must be kept out of enemy hands. Barney maintained that he won't roll over, even if tortured, but was finally overruled by the President. Mr. Bush is quoted as saying at a recent press conference, "This would send the wrong message to the terrorists. Members of my family, including Barney, must be protected to carry on the dynasty." Mr. Bush would not comment on the fact that Barney appeared to be neutered.