RANGER AGAINST WAR: Alter Kocker <

Friday, December 31, 2010

Alter Kocker


--You still think hes in there [the outhouse]?
--Yeah, he's in there.

--Well he's holding onto his shit like it was money
--The Unforgiven (1992)


Well, I'll be damned. It's the gentleman guppy.

You know, he's like a turd that won't flush.

--Waterworld
(1995)


Johnny's playroom

Is a bunker filled with sand

He's become a third world man

--Third World Man
, Steely Dan

Why, oh, why

Did this have to happen?

--Why, Oh, Why?
, Psychostick
________________


Ranger isn't much one for high falutin language, so he's given a cultural piece to stand as metaphor for things that are wrong in the world. The episode seems emblematic of something troubling brewing in the American psyche, as George W. Bush might say.


There are some stories that are so disgusting they must be shared. This report originated while Ranger was communing with nature in the Futureworld waterless urinal at the Mayo Clinic (his original mission was to wash his hands after delivering a gallon of piss to the laboratory for heavy metals testing):


Separated by one thin divide was a toilet stall from which emanated startlingly violent blasts of anal expulsions that would lead to an elevation of alert status if they were heard by a Transportation Security Administration bomb expert. But that is not the story.


The story is that the blastee was on the cell phone during this transformative experience describing the large and great lunch that he had eaten at some indiscriminate earlier moment. He was musing upon the excellence of the thing which led to the current offense. Freud would have something to say about both releasing and retaining the excremental remains of the meal.


So why share this? Why subject other to this episode?


Ranger can't help but wonder from where we have come and to where we are going as a race and as individuals on this last day of 2010, a truly awful decade for the U.S. Do we really feel compelled to communicate while shit is blasting from our anal sphincter? Forgive me, but this is beyond my comprehension, truly unfuckingbelievable. TMI.

And yes, the urinal was waterless.

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5 Comments:

Anonymous barcalounger said...

"And yes, the urinal was waterless."

No big deal. My grandparents had the same setup when I was a youngun'. It was called an outhouse. Thundermugs were positioned under the beds for those cold winter nights. Guess who got to empty those mugs in the morning?

But I agree with you, and Mark Twain, who said "Better to be thought a fool then to open one's mouth and erase all doubt." I'm paraphrasing of course.

Friday, December 31, 2010 at 5:04:00 PM GMT-5  
Blogger Brooklyn Red Leg said...

blargh.....

As I've said before, we've become the Romans. The public toilet of the Roman Era is no different than the public toilet of the modern era.

Hope everyone has a Happy New Year, though I fully expect 2011 to be far worse of a sucktastic year than 2010. As if from word on high, I woke up this morning with the flu courtesy of both of my roommates.

I would invite Jim and Lisa to come to the Liberty Forest Forums (Ron Paul Forums) if they want to get an inside line on the growing discontent in these united States. Come with an open mind and you might be surprised how much we agree, even when we disagree.

Libertatis Æquilibritas

Friday, December 31, 2010 at 7:55:00 PM GMT-5  
Blogger Lisa said...

BRL,

Thanks for the invitation -- any reasoned dialog is a good thing in these dark days.

Wishing you a Happy 2011, and hoping you're feeling in the pink soon.

(Jim says he hopes you're wrong re. 2011, as he's "slap full" of hope...)

Lisa

Friday, December 31, 2010 at 9:37:00 PM GMT-5  
Anonymous basilbeast said...

Heavy Metal?

A favorite movie of mine from a long while back.

Sternnnnnn!

bb

Saturday, January 1, 2011 at 6:41:00 AM GMT-5  
Blogger rangeragainstwar said...

barca,
i'm in a green marriot motel.
this morn while sitting on a kohler automatic toilet which is there to save water-it flushed 6 times while i sat on the beast.Back to the drawing board. at least there wasn't a sears catalog on the floor.
The waterless urinals in mayo supposedly save 40,000 gals of water per year, but they are unsatisfying to use.They're like driving an automatic tranny porsche.
jim

Saturday, January 1, 2011 at 8:17:00 AM GMT-5  

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