RANGER AGAINST WAR: Smooth Operator <

Monday, September 22, 2008

Smooth Operator

What's the use in tryin'?
All you get is pain.

When I needed sunshine I got rain

--I'm a Believer
, The Monkees

There would be no society if living together

depended upon understanding each other

--Eric Hoffer

Liberty for wolves is death to the lambs

--Isaiah Berlin

You can take the boy out of Cleveland,

but you can't take Cleveland out of the boy



A small observation on a moment in the life of your eponymous blogger.

Upon finding him outside of a public toilet in a coastal resort area interacting with the attendant who was gesticulating wildly, I approached cautiously. The attendant appeared to be in his 70's, though still robust, and sported a Combat Infantry Badge on his cap. Clearly, he was not amused.

Smiling, Ranger says, "He said he was gonna kick my ass!" This is not the sort of interchange one expects in an upmarket vacation area. They were approaching and separating, like bantam cocks. "Get outta heah! Commie, pinko bastid!" says the attendant, in (possibly) mock anger. Says I, "What's wrong?"

Apparently, Ranger had thought it funny to ask the attendant if he was on the lookout for any untoward Republican trysts; however, the attendant was a die-hard Republican. He is oblivious to Rule #1: Know your enemy.

Practically at fisticuffs, Ranger continued to sink his boat by attempting to engage the man on the futility of the current wars. The
coup de grĂ¢ce was handing the man his Ranger Against War card.

I shook my head violently, but the gesture had already been made. Of course the man's hands flew up and back, as if the card were saturated with
anthrax. Gamely I interjected that the two loved their country, and probably agreed on 80% of what needed to be done to get it back on track. But the attendant was having none of it.

"Did he make you walk all the way down that hill? Why this. . . ," disgustedly gesturing at the confounded card-holder. My new hero.

The zeal of a true believer is a thing to behold.

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Blogger Arkhamite said...

ranger against war IS a commie pinko bastard, so i don't know what the problem is.

Tuesday, September 23, 2008 at 5:22:00 AM GMT-5  
Blogger The Minstrel Boy said...

ranger also forgot one of the most important axioms of sun tzu:

when discussing the vital importance of leaving the enemy a path of retreat he says:

men fight the hardest for an indefensible position.

Tuesday, September 23, 2008 at 11:45:00 AM GMT-5  
Blogger FDChief said...

And given the probity, manners, mores, domestic and foreign policy record of the stalwart All-American capitalist heros currently manning the ramparts in the District of Columbia (not to mention state houses, Legion posts and investment banks between here and there) a commie pinko bastard ribbon is one to wear with pride. So I don't know what the problem is, either.

The sad fact is that the poor old floop, guarding everything within the limits of his crapper, probably still thinks that our nation is run by the handsome Gipper out of "Hellcats of the Navy". The grifters are fleecing him out of his pension and his VA benefits and his home and his legacy and yet, like the real-life sad old Reds slowly dying in the gulags, he's convinced that "if only Comrade Stalin knew..."

Tuesday, September 23, 2008 at 3:51:00 PM GMT-5  
Blogger rangeragainstwar said...


This man was awarded a CIB while I was still in diapers. It's really hard for me to comprehend a toilet attendant being a staunch republican. There must be fringe benefits to the job.

I had an article re. Cheney lying to Congress before the invasion in my car, but I figured I wouldn't stoke the fires of his patriotism. I believe he really is a "good American," but he wouldn't hear a word I said.


Tuesday, September 23, 2008 at 6:32:00 PM GMT-5  
Anonymous CTuttle said...

Ranger, Did you get to complete the mission, or did you have to utilize the wood line...? ;-)

Tuesday, September 23, 2008 at 6:39:00 PM GMT-5  
Blogger rangeragainstwar said...


This guy was light on his feet for an old guy! I was laughing nervously, to be honest. It would've been so embarrassing if he'd have kicked my ass. It would not have been a proud moment for the Rangers.

Sun Tze was right.

Tuesday, September 23, 2008 at 6:42:00 PM GMT-5  
Blogger rangeragainstwar said...


Surely, you're kidding. This is a CIB republican (a true rarity): he had all the bushes cut down so he'd have fields of fire.


Tuesday, September 23, 2008 at 6:57:00 PM GMT-5  
Blogger bigbird said...

This couldn't possibly be in the 'coastal resort area' where I saw a T shirt for sale today with 'Make the scary Republican leave' written on it?

Nah, this town is too upscale for public toilets, even for the cruise ship visitors.

Tuesday, September 23, 2008 at 7:05:00 PM GMT-5  
Blogger rangeragainstwar said...


We must've been downmarket.

The scary republican couldn't leave, for he was guarding the toilets.


Tuesday, September 23, 2008 at 7:19:00 PM GMT-5  
Blogger bigbird said...

Men's room trysts? I live in the state with that former governor whose now current Wall Street boy friend is keeping him up in a lavish style a mile or two from where I live.

Can't help but thinking of that as I pass by the house.

Tuesday, September 23, 2008 at 7:28:00 PM GMT-5  
Blogger rangeragainstwar said...


Can you elaborate on, "(whose now current Wall Street boy friend is) keeping him up" I could use some help in this area. . .


Tuesday, September 23, 2008 at 7:50:00 PM GMT-5  
Anonymous tw said...


I've been chuckling at this post all day. It evoked quite a picture.

Reminded me of an incident I had this summer with an elderly die hard republican. I told him that if he had voted Republican in the last two elections then he was responsible for the deaths of a half million people and the creation of 12 million refugees. Well.... at one point I thought that he was going to have a heart attack and that I'd be charged as an accessory to....

What topped it off was when I told him to own up to his vote and not make the same mistake three times in a row. I never was one with alot of tack but fortunately the gentleman survived as did I.

Tuesday, September 23, 2008 at 10:52:00 PM GMT-5  
Anonymous Publius said...

I'm going to limit my comment here to wondering how it is that the old Ranger would have an run-in with an even older dude who's sporting a CIB on his cap (more than likely not his) whilst guarding a public shit house somewhere out there in America.

Ranger, you lead one exciting life, my man.

Tuesday, September 23, 2008 at 11:04:00 PM GMT-5  
Blogger rangeragainstwar said...

Publius; my man,

You MUST get off the golf course to experience real life. jim

Wednesday, September 24, 2008 at 8:26:00 AM GMT-5  
Blogger rangeragainstwar said...


An after thought.

We also met a 11th Airborne, 75 y.o. vet who was clearly and solidly a republican, yet we had a great visit, as complete strangers except for our Airborne commonality. We talked of the old Airborne and values we shared in the Army of old.

I spotted his half-hidden tattoo and started the repartee. My old 1 SG was an old 11th trooper so I knew their history and legends fairly well.

Maybe I should get a few tatts.


Wednesday, September 24, 2008 at 8:41:00 AM GMT-5  
Blogger rangeragainstwar said...

These idiots WILL NOT own up to any personal responsibility.Their minds really do belong in the shithouse. jim

Wednesday, September 24, 2008 at 8:51:00 AM GMT-5  
Anonymous mike said...

Homosexuality is an equal opportunity lifestyle for either political party. The Repubs think that they are above it and that it is strictly a Dem disease.

Some Repubs I know speak often of Barney Frank and the former Dem Governor of New Jersey. And they think that Foley is a Democrat, Fox News told them so. Many believe that the good Repub Senator from Idaho, Larry Craig, is straight as an arrow and was the victim of a conspiracy. They know nothing of the low-level Florida Republican politician who was busted for offering oral services in a restroom, and call BS when it is brought up. Same for the eastern Washington GOPer who paid his male hooker with state funds.

They are in De Nile.

Wednesday, September 24, 2008 at 6:30:00 PM GMT-5  
Blogger bigbird said...

The former governor of New Jersey saga has been a soap opera for months, particularly with his divorce from his second wife being played out in the press, seemingly forever. At issue has been his current lifestyle. He does live in an upscale neighborhood.

Issue probably doesn't get anymore national notice.

Thursday, September 25, 2008 at 7:35:00 AM GMT-5  
Anonymous Publius said...

"You MUST get off the golf course to experience real life."

Why in the world would you suggest such a thing? You know how depressing real life is; you don't want me to have to experience it, do you? Played today, BTW, in 30-mph winds, which made it kind of challenging. Played like shit, but then, that's the norm.

BTW, Ranger, you should take up golf. It's very calming. I'm never depressed on the course. As the saying goes, "a bad day on the golf course beats a good day at work every time." Of course, your new friend at the shit house might have had a bad day out on the links, thus perhaps accounting for his poor behavior. One never knows.

Thursday, September 25, 2008 at 8:18:00 PM GMT-5  
Blogger rangeragainstwar said...


I acknowledge the therapeutic and beneficial nature of your sport activity, but golf is not for me.
I don't even play Scrabble.

There are some that tend toilets, and some that talk to 'em. It all makes for a world.


Thursday, September 25, 2008 at 9:41:00 PM GMT-5  
Blogger Underground Carpenter said...

Hi Jim and Lisa,
Good and funny post! I was chuckling so hard at the comments that it was hard to eat my morning oatmeal.


Sunday, September 28, 2008 at 5:59:00 AM GMT-5  

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