You Know You're a Jihadist If ...
My country,' tis of thee, sweet land of liberty,
of thee I sing;
--America, Samuel Smith
___________________
Here's something fun for the 4th (because we Americans are nothing if not irreverent):
A new contest, to see if you can best Ranger on his theme du jour:
"You Know You're a Jihadist If ...":
A new contest, to see if you can best Ranger on his theme du jour:
"You Know You're a Jihadist If ...":
- You know you're a Jihadist if everyone at your next family reunion has a sandbag on their head.
- If you wake up in a stress position (and/or you sleep that way)
- If you attend a funeral and the deceased is on ice, guarded by a preternaturally happy female in blue gloves
- If you wear shower shoes in the Khyber Pass
- If you take a shower strapped to a 3 x 6 board
- If your Koran is provided by The Gideons
- If you think a lap dance involves a goat
- If you don't have to take presents to a wedding
- If you have a free, unlimited time share group home overlooking the Caribbean
- If your prayer shawl is international orange
- If your prayer rug is permanently affixed to the floor
- If the reward on your head exceeds the GNP of Afghanistan
- If you think tie straps are fashion accouterments
- If your mosque has more than 50 FBI informants at every service
- If air marshals refuse to occupy the seat next to you
- If your shoes don't explode
- If your prefer little dancing boys dressed up like women to a Hooter's hostess
- If women put their underwear on your head and commit frottage, and it makes you homesick for your flock
- If your cell phone messages are relayed by a Predator drone
The winning entrant gets one free coffee mug from GITMO, courtesy RAW.
posted by rangeragainstwar at 1:32 PM
8 Comments:
...you leave "anonymous", code-heavy comments throughout several, seemingly unrelated blog posts, and you laugh a little when you imagine the infidel's face when he realizes how simple the code was to break. Then you cry a little cuz you had to eat pork and drink heavily and fornicate (a lot) to throw-off the fbi agent assigned to track your personality traits. *cough*. ahem.
If Goat's Eye Stew Is One Of Your M.R.E.s
1. You refine heroin for a living, but you have a moral objection to
beer.
2. You own a $3,000 machine gun and $5,000 rocket launcher, but you
can't afford shoes.
3. You have more wives than teeth.
4. You wipe your butt with your bare left hand, but consider bacon
"unclean."
5. You think vests come in two styles: bullet-proof and suicide.
6. You consider television dangerous, but routinely carry explosives in
your clothing.
7. You've often uttered the phrase, "I love what you've done with your
cave."
8. You have nothing against women and think every man should own at
least one.
avedis
Avedis,
I liked mysterbreezes entry but you actually got me laughing out loud while reading your entries.
I have to talk with the judges, b/c this is like Jeopardy---you didn't use IF before your entries.
Form is very important in a contest.
jim
awh shoot.....
avedis
Here's an entry from my friend Fred,
It was delivered in person.
You know that your a jihadist when you don't need GPS because there's always a drone above you.
jim
Oh, Christ on a rubber crutch...this was damned entertaining!
avedis,
Please send your mailing address to -lf9012@yahoo.
Congrats ,
jim
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