RANGER AGAINST WAR: You Know You're a Jihadist If ... <

Sunday, July 04, 2010

You Know You're a Jihadist If ...

My country,' tis of thee,
sweet land of liberty,

of thee I sing;

--America,
Samuel Smith
___________________

Here's something fun for the 4th (because we Americans are nothing if not irreverent):

A new contest, to see if you can best Ranger on his theme du jour:

"You Know You're a Jihadist If ..."
:

  1. You know you're a Jihadist if everyone at your next family reunion has a sandbag on their head.
  2. If you wake up in a stress position (and/or you sleep that way)
  3. If you attend a funeral and the deceased is on ice, guarded by a preternaturally happy female in blue gloves
  4. If you wear shower shoes in the Khyber Pass
  5. If you take a shower strapped to a 3 x 6 board
  6. If your Koran is provided by The Gideons
  7. If you think a lap dance involves a goat
  8. If you don't have to take presents to a wedding
  9. If you have a free, unlimited time share group home overlooking the Caribbean
  10. If your prayer shawl is international orange
  11. If your prayer rug is permanently affixed to the floor
  12. If the reward on your head exceeds the GNP of Afghanistan
  13. If you think tie straps are fashion accouterments
  14. If your mosque has more than 50 FBI informants at every service
  15. If air marshals refuse to occupy the seat next to you
  16. If your shoes don't explode
  17. If your prefer little dancing boys dressed up like women to a Hooter's hostess
  18. If women put their underwear on your head and commit frottage, and it makes you homesick for your flock
  19. If your cell phone messages are relayed by a Predator drone

The winning entrant gets one free coffee mug from GITMO, courtesy RAW.



Labels: ,

8 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

...you leave "anonymous", code-heavy comments throughout several, seemingly unrelated blog posts, and you laugh a little when you imagine the infidel's face when he realizes how simple the code was to break. Then you cry a little cuz you had to eat pork and drink heavily and fornicate (a lot) to throw-off the fbi agent assigned to track your personality traits. *cough*. ahem.

Sunday, July 4, 2010 at 3:35:00 PM GMT-5  
Blogger mystrbreeze said...

If Goat's Eye Stew Is One Of Your M.R.E.s

Monday, July 5, 2010 at 9:07:00 AM GMT-5  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

1. You refine heroin for a living, but you have a moral objection to
beer.
2. You own a $3,000 machine gun and $5,000 rocket launcher, but you
can't afford shoes.
3. You have more wives than teeth.
4. You wipe your butt with your bare left hand, but consider bacon
"unclean."
5. You think vests come in two styles: bullet-proof and suicide.
6. You consider television dangerous, but routinely carry explosives in
your clothing.
7. You've often uttered the phrase, "I love what you've done with your
cave."
8. You have nothing against women and think every man should own at
least one.

avedis

Monday, July 5, 2010 at 1:58:00 PM GMT-5  
Blogger rangeragainstwar said...

Avedis,
I liked mysterbreezes entry but you actually got me laughing out loud while reading your entries.
I have to talk with the judges, b/c this is like Jeopardy---you didn't use IF before your entries.
Form is very important in a contest.
jim

Monday, July 5, 2010 at 2:04:00 PM GMT-5  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

awh shoot.....

avedis

Tuesday, July 6, 2010 at 5:45:00 AM GMT-5  
Blogger rangeragainstwar said...

Here's an entry from my friend Fred,
It was delivered in person.
You know that your a jihadist when you don't need GPS because there's always a drone above you.
jim

Tuesday, July 6, 2010 at 2:20:00 PM GMT-5  
Blogger The Mad Celt said...

Oh, Christ on a rubber crutch...this was damned entertaining!

Wednesday, July 7, 2010 at 6:01:00 PM GMT-5  
Blogger rangeragainstwar said...

avedis,
Please send your mailing address to -lf9012@yahoo.
Congrats ,
jim

Friday, July 16, 2010 at 11:05:00 AM GMT-5  

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