You Know You're a Jihadist If ...

My country,' tis of thee,
sweet land of liberty,
of thee I sing;
--America, Samuel Smith
___________________

Here's something fun for the 4th (because we Americans are nothing if not irreverent):

A new contest, to see if you can best Ranger on his theme du jour:

"You Know You're a Jihadist If ...":

1. You know you're a Jihadist if everyone at your next family reunion has a sandbag on their head.
2. If you wake up in a stress position (and/or you sleep that way)
3. If you attend a funeral and the deceased is on ice, guarded by a preternaturally happy female in blue gloves
   
4. If you wear shower shoes in the Khyber Pass
5. If you take a shower strapped to a 3 x 6 board
6. If your Koran is provided by The Gideons
7. If you think a lap dance involves a goat
8. If you don't have to take presents to a wedding
9. If you have a free, unlimited time share group home overlooking the Caribbean
10. If your prayer shawl is international orange
11. If your prayer rug is permanently affixed to the floor
12. If the reward on your head exceeds the GNP of Afghanistan
13. If you think tie straps are fashion accouterments
    
14. If your mosque has more than 50 FBI informants at every service
15. If air marshals refuse to occupy the seat next to you
16. If your shoes don't explode
17. If your prefer little dancing boys dressed up like women to a Hooter's hostess
18. If women put their underwear on your head and commit frottage, and it makes you homesick for your flock
19. If your cell phone messages are relayed by a Predator drone

The winning entrant gets one free coffee mug from GITMO, courtesy RAW.