RANGER AGAINST WAR: Easing the Transition <

Friday, January 07, 2011

Easing the Transition

What a dump!
--Beyond the Forrest

If you really wanted to mess me up,

you should have got to me earlier

—High Fidelity
, Nick Hornby

Why can't they have gay people in the army?
Personally, I think they are just afraid
of a thousand guys with M16s going,
"Who'd you call a faggot?"
--John Stewart


2010 was a slog, and we found little of national import to celebrate. However, the repeal of the "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" policy regarding gays serving in the military was one bright strike for truth-telling.

In honor of that decision, Ranger is holding another contest, challenging all readers to answer the question:
What changes do you think will happen now that gay soldiers can serve openly?

Some suggestions:

  • The Soldier's Creed will undergo a grammatical revision. Instead of "I will never leave my buddies behind", now: "I will never leave my buddy's behind"
  • No fuit drinks served in mess halls or vending machines
  • Neckwear remains regulation -- no feather boas or leis
  • Roger's Rules for Rangers will become, "Roger's Rules for Rangers and Rangerettes". Emendations include, "Never leave your lip gloss behind" (now available in grapefruit and musk options.) Motto change: "Rangers Lead the Way, Gayly" {RLTWG]
  • Now, one can bend over and pick up soap if dropped in the shower
  • The Meritorious Service Medal will be redesigned to change the ribbon color from pink to a more androgynous mint green
  • Never start a forced march before you've had your pedicure
  • Clean Machine Gun prior to manicure
  • Doughnut pillows now standard-issue
  • Never wear a thong on a night jump
  • Troops may wear mascara like the Taliban, fostering a competitive fashion spirit
  • No hooped earrings allowed in combat pits
  • Issey Miyake deodorant fragrance, optional
  • Multiple awards of the Meritorious Service Medal will no longer be designated with an oak leaf cluster; to be replaced by a petite rosebud
  • Tracers will go from red to fuschia
  • It is o.k to call your rifle "Betsy"
  • Chipped beef on toast will be replaced by a framboise reduction over pork medallions
  • Chaplains assistants are no longer to be used for joke fodder
  • Never leave two gay soldiers on point at a time. Ditto for guarding an objective rally point, in a buddy team, or as a Machine Gun crew
  • As Winter Rangers are unofficially allowed to use white thread to affix their tabs, gay soldiers may use pink thread

Well, that's Ranger's start to help ease the transition.
What are yours?

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Anonymous CholoAzul said...

New hanky codes for desert camo, woodlands camo, arctic camo etc.

Sunday, January 9, 2011 at 10:41:00 PM GMT-5  

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