Newt is Us

A shilly shallier is a dilly dallier,
a dilly-dallier hems and haws
--Shilly Shallier children's song

Territory folks should stick together,
Territory folks should all be pals.
Cowboys dance with farmer's daughters,
Farmers dance with the ranchers' gals
--Oklahoma! (1955)

There is no deadline
There is no schedule
There is no plan we can fall back on
The road this far can't be retraced
--Tallahassee, The Mountain Goats

Well, it was kind of cold that night
She stood alone on her balcony
Yeah, she could hear the cars roll by
Out on 441 like waves crashin' on the beach
--American Girl, Tom Petty
____________________

The snake oil salesmen are working their way through our state now, home of grifters and get rich quick schemes . . . the gentlemen are in their milieu.

Newt is positively brilliant in terms of capitalizing on his pasty-faced doofusness -- it is image-maximization, 2012-style. He has co-opted Sarah Palin's extreme mediocrity, parlaying it into a battle cry for dis-informed Republicans everywhere: I am YOU; we are reactive and ill-informed, but emotional, and Romney thinks we are stupid!

It is the I know you are, but what am I children's game. Gingrich knows we are stupid, too, but he has enough savvy to ally himself with the numbers. In other words, Romney is a cad for being grossly elitist, and therefore not patriotic (Newt to Voters: Romney Thinks You're "Stupid".)

We are Americans, and therefore, covetously mediocre in an aggressive sort of way. Don't you say it though, but we'll walk out in our pyjamas, thanks, because WE are NOT French! (But, this non-royal WE also fancies they are not welfare hootchie mamas, either, and so assiduously takes pains to rein in their brand of mediocrity; they will not share their bloc.)

Newt is their poster boy. It is Newt who petitions for our rights to clap and laugh at rallies, and generally act like the cowman and farmers at a house-raising in Oklahoma! We are just that sort (or like to think we are). We do not like France and we do not wear lycra padded racing shorts. Do not! Look at the man ... could you even imagine Newt in John Kerry's shorts (figuratively, of course, though he is a Republican)? Could it have been such a vision which has caused Callista's eyes to remain perpetually agog?

Slate asks, since both Gingrich and Romney are both consummate insiders. So why is only Gingrich able to portray himself as an outsider? It's image, stupid. It's pretty clear Romney follows a diet and works out, and that is not the American Way (see "Twinkies to Fuel"), unless you're some East or West-coaster. While they correctly note, "The economic diversity at the top of the Republican field runs the gamut from A to B", it is not the reality but the patter that matters. He is a simulacrum populist, and that's good enough for us.

Now Florida is somewhat more diverse than South Carolina, and though Newt may be able to carry the day on the back of his bumpkin-ism, Romney will give him a run for his money because he resonates with the strivers in the middle-class -- those who fancy they can one day afford membership at the country club but meanwhile manage greens fees at the municipal course for the day. They get to play golf, when they are not slaving away at their tenuous jobs. That makes them look like arrivistes, and that makes them feel good.

Romney is what the middlin' folks hope to be but probably never will, so in Florida that means he'll take much of the Latino vote in South Florida, too. He dresses well, and Newt is a schlump. Not for them is a candidate who looks like he could go to Walmart in his p.j.'s; alas, Callista's Tiffany jewels cannot make up for the failing of his shape.

Despite the fact that Florida has the highest rate of chronically unemployed (and the fifth lowest rate of unemployment benefits), the thing that fires us up are the quaint and reviling notions that reek of an empire in decay, Gothic issues, like suppressing the Copernicus's of the world:

"Speaking at a Baptist church in Winter Park on Saturday, the former speaker received a standing ovation when he declared that embryonic stem-cell research amounts to “the use of science to desensitize society over the killing of babies" (Gingrich vows to ban embryonic stem-cell research, questions in vitro practices).

Facts are quite immaterial here -- facts like no babies (or fetuses) are getting killed; facts like stem cells may be extracted from the umbilical cord after birth (in other words, from medical waste). Facts get in the way of passion, a good rumpus, and that's what Newt gives.

We are not talking rationale -- we are talking hootenanny, here. And if there is one thing most Floridians love, that's a swamp fete ... a tailgating party or a hog roast. Yee-haw. Newt is all that and more; he's the whole kit and kaboodle.

In our neck o' the woods, people hop on motorized carts at Walmart whether they need to or not. It is both sport and sloth, for some. These are not fit people and would in fact do well to walk, but have bought into a society which has effectively rendered them hostage to Big Pharma and Big Agra. They feel impotent -- often are -- and out of frustration will vote on seeming kinship alone, so disenfranchised are they from the system. Maybe someone who looks like he has to take the same statin drugs or eats the same fast food will feel their pain. (It was in this way that Bill Clinton was exceptionally successful.)

As Joel Achenbach noted in the WaPo yesterday, a lot of us don't even know there is an impending election. If we muddle off to the polls, for the majority of us, it will be to check the box for someone who looks like us, and that is not necessarily good.