RANGER AGAINST WAR: Battle of the Bulge <

Thursday, January 26, 2012

Battle of the Bulge

Hudson Valley Grade A Duck Foie Gras
fr. dartagnon.com)
$109.99 per 1.8 lbs.


[Addendum to From Twinkies to Fuel]:

Lipofuel is actually a serious proposition, and quite reasonable, once we get over ourselves.

One of its major attractions is that it's fully renewable, especially if it were possible to re-mine living sources. In the distant future when we have depleted other extant sources of fuel we will see that re-purposing our own "waste" matter will be a logical decision, and will be divested of any prurient scatological associations.

Much as with electric cars, the people whose fat is farmed might submit to periodic suctionings. Obviously, they would incur no cost for the liposurgery, and as a donor they would enjoy the very lucrative benefit of grazing copiously and being able to shed themselves of their avoirdupois as it became burdensome. Each may divine the line of sloth for himself, and decide whether the transgression can actually be transmogrified into a good.

Lipo would no longer be relegated to the back rooms of shady plastic surgeons but could become a perfected art, the domain of top surgeons and not just inferior pimple doctors. There would be no more jokes about "did she or didn't she"; yes -- she did give to her country, much as a blood or plasma donor does today. Instead of a little blood drop stick pin, a little golden fat globule to wear proudly, like the "I Voted" sticker.

Perhaps not to you, but to some people, that freedom to graze would be felt as a great blessing. For those amongst us who are weight-challenged, the battle of the bulge can become a debilitating daily fixation. The types of diets are legion, and sadly, science is telling us that once grown the fat cell never returns to a slimmer state. For the person who has shed weight, her newly lean cells are simply fat ones in hiding --imposter thin cells -- ready to chow down on any calories thrown their way. Ingest all the Conjugated Linoleic Acid (CLA) or Human Chorionic Gonadotropin (HGC) you may, a fat cell is a "fat" cell. It will always have space to grow.

Rather than occupying space as inert lumpen who may only use their minds or physical exertion to produce meaningful results, why not farm the last readily-accessible frontier -- the human body -- and allow people to produce? Why can we only accept organ donation upon death? Why these odd lines? If organ harvesting is for a good purpose, then so tissue farming (blood is a "tissue").

Unfortunately, humans are wont to ideate and fall into the slippery-slope fallacy that if fat were farmed from corpses -- and perhaps willing live donors -- than it is just a hop away to breeding humans who would sit inertly in a lab and be force-fed like like geese to produce fois gras, except they would be sucked of their fat.

Here is a perhaps vulgar thought question, but
what is so different from the human who goes from cubicle to home office, sitting before a screen all day and ingesting chips and soda which the body converts to fat, and the immobile goose force fed to produce its succulent fois gras?

We think nothing of re-producing offspring -- expulsing genetic material into the world. Why not put some of our inert matter to good use? Instead of having it sit in front of Facebook 24/7, give a little back to the world.

If we think nothing of mining the liquified remains of long-dead animals processed naturally, then why not our own?

Labels: , , , , ,


Blogger rangeragainstwar said...

i envision tax credits being given to fat people. we can call it -an earned energy credit.

Friday, January 27, 2012 at 8:47:00 AM GMT-5  
Anonymous Brian said...

Lisa, stop making so much sense!

Actually, last week I was watching a crappy old SF movie from 1974 called "The Idaho Transfer". It was a time-travel story about young people avoiding an impending ecological disaster by shifting into the future. A somewhat incoherent story (it was directed by Peter Fonda) but in the end it appears that the time travellers from the past are regularly picked up when they arrive by motorists of the future and used as fuel for their cars...the whole person, not just their flab.

Friday, January 27, 2012 at 12:20:00 PM GMT-5  
Blogger Lisa said...

Thank you for that bit of esoterica, Brian. Yes, the bones could be burned in the way of wood or coal, but would not be as "clean" a resource as adipose.

Friday, January 27, 2012 at 12:38:00 PM GMT-5  
Blogger FDChief said...

Soylent Green!

Friday, January 27, 2012 at 4:11:00 PM GMT-5  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hi Lisa, this has been a most excellent series of articles. An idea whose time has arrived. Here is what the economist in me sees as a viable approach: Foods have an extra cost tacked on - just like bottles and cans in returnable deposit states - according to fat content. When you make a purchase, you get a redeemable chit. Then, periodically, you go in with your chits, get the lipo suction and get paid.

Heavy consumers of fat filled foods could have a valve surgically installed somewhere. Probably on the midsection; and maybe with secondary valves on ass and thighs. This makes for a quick and easy process. Price of valve installation is on a sliding scale according to the person's fat content.

Finally, cremation of deceased people would be free. The body is cremated and the energy harnessed, with the ashes being returned when the process is complete.

What's not to love about this little scheme?

I suppose there is a downside risk of a new form of vampirism wherein fat theives with portable suction units drain victims against their will, but there are always counter measures like locks for suction valves. the opportunities for startup industries staggers the mind. This just might revitalize the US economy.

Please keep up the good work and keep the ideas coming!

yes we can!


Friday, January 27, 2012 at 7:50:00 PM GMT-5  
Blogger Lisa said...


Thanks -- it just seems common sense, I mean, we harvest the work of the mind and the hands, so why not the result of the many bodily systems that go into fat production. What a terrible waste of energy (=calories), and what misery the obese endure. What hypocrites all who laugh and makes of going to the cosmetic surgeon a skulking action to be denied.

I was thinking of the shunt idea, too, but I believe we are still thinking too Neanderthal, here. New fat mining processes would be minimally invasive, I'm certain.

Agreed about cremation -- just stop the open funeral pyres which contribute to pollution; an enclosed crematorium. Clean and frees up space (how morbid are our fields of medieval stone gardens"?!?) We need realism, now.

Space is at a premium; population must be dealt with pragmatically. Ditto waste, and human disposal is yet one face of that waste. We are so hamstrung by religion, but the body is just a summation of its chemicals; the exalted thing -- if it exists -- is the spirit within. The carcass is simply rotting. Why not feel good about maximizing the byproducts of that process.

One cannot be sentimental about these things.

Friday, January 27, 2012 at 8:26:00 PM GMT-5  
Blogger Indian Surgical Industries said...

Hello, I love reading through your blog, I wanted to leave a little comment to support you and wish you a good continuation. Wish you best of luck for all your best efforts.
suction unit portable,
hospital furniture

Wednesday, April 4, 2012 at 5:32:00 AM GMT-5  

Post a Comment

Links to this post:

Create a Link

<< Home