Out on the OP - LP, 14 July 12
Again we fail to make amends
And wend our way between intents
And looking back, not moving on
Oh but something's always wrong
--Something's Always Wrong,
Toad the Wet Sprocket
____________________
Time for the Second Edition of "Out on the OP - LP", what we hope will be a regular feature here at RangerAgainstWar.
We are tweaking things, trying to find out how to make it something in which you will enjoy participating. To that end, we will try a leading question, to see what thoughts it might dredge up. You are not, however, constrained by the topic. As always, R.A.W. is a free-fire zone.
Topic: Accommodation
I mused this week upon the uneasy accommodation I have with the tree frog who has made an abode out of my mailbox. As I am not a little boy, meeting wet frogs has always been a fraught issue for me. Yet I know I will have to meet the frog daily as he leaps out when I remove the mail, or just sits on an envelop until I flick him off.
I wonder: Is it not terrifying to him when the postman drops a particularly large bunch of mail in the box., thoughtlessly, without heed to the fact that he is disrupting someone's lair? How does the frog sleep, never knowing when something will be dropped into the post box? What is it about the black metal box that keeps him there, braving bodily damage?
Then I thought about myself -- it seems we all make poor choices at times in order to accommodate. Friend and professor emeritus of sociology at FAMU, Charles U. Smith, once mused about the forms accommodation takes, from the simple idea of acquired changes in the behavior of individuals to help them to adjust to their environment to Lundberg's more dire idea of people's simple desire to relieve the fatigue and tension of competition and conflict -- accommodation not as a way to reach a higher state, like harmony, but as a technique simply to be able to exist.
He mentioned how he had accommodated to being raised in poverty by being penurious, and how difficult it was for him even today to splurge on a filet mignon over a flank steak, when he could well afford the former.
What accommodations do you make, and why? Is it always better to determine one's desires outright versus accommodating to another? Are there certain issues upon which one should never accommodate? Anything else on the topic?
Labels: accommodation, out on the op -lp, outpost listening post, ranger advice column
posted by Lisa at 2:48 PM
9 Comments:
Hi Lisa,
I had to look up from the page and wonder about how accommodation differs from compromise and capitulation.
That lead me to thinking about what and why men do for their ladies. But I don't know if I want to get Jim started on that topic.
Dave
Today ( actually I'm writing this tomorrow, being that it's now Sunday ) I accommodate another year of life here.
I accommodate to get done what I want to get done. Right now, I'm accommodating a little minimum wage plus change job a couple of days a week so I can continue to accommodate others who accommodated me previously, with interest, of course, over the past couple of years. Thankfully, for the most part, it's all been pleasant. So life goes on.
Now, about the frog, you've done a lot of assumption as to what its viewpoint is.
To me, it's a couple of things.
One, it's attached itself emotionally to the place. It seems to be a stubborn little creature. No doubt armed properly, a deadly Frog Terrorist.
Two, security. The daily disturbance to itself is much more tolerable than the deadly dangers that await it outside the box.
I hope this has been helpful.
bb
Is the frog psychopathic?
Why Don’t the Corrupt Players On Wall Street and In D.C. Show Remorse for Their Destructive Actions…And Why Don’t We Stop Them?
We are accomodating our daughter and her fiance by traveling to Utah for their wedding next month (long trip/expenses). And that is OK - though we would have prefered they held the wedding in Norfolk where they are both stationed (both US Navy). However, she has invited - and the invite was accepted - a half sister of Mrs A (Mom). Mom hates the half sister. It's a long standing sentiment based on some very solid grounds. Right minded people agree that it is well founded. Our daughter has only met the half sister two or three times, but, apparently, has been in contact often on facebook. Mom sees the half sister's communication with daughter as a vicious plot on the halh sister's part to screw with her and drive a wedge between her and daughter (the kind of thing she gets off on). Daughter has a niave fantasy of one big happy family. That just ain't going to happen. Mom had asked daughter to not invite half sister and gave some, but not, all background. Daughter told Mom she would just have to suck it up and be pleasant for a few days. Mom is so torqued she is considering skipping the wedding, but realizes, in the end, she must accomodate and go. She is dreading what should have been a happy occasion.
As for the frog, he may not be able to leave the box because he is following orders. He is probably an agent with homeland security. You have been identified as the author of a subversive blog. The frog is reading your mail to gain intel.
avedis2
I love our readers!
Dave:
Accommodation has overlap with compromise and capitulation. The socio's have co-opted the word, but the phenomenon remains our impulse to contort our instincts (perhaps) in order to remain (sane?) in a given situation.
No, really -- do hit up the ladies issue; it'll be good, I'm sure. Give us some real meat to work with :) Don't worry about Jim's equanimity; he's already disturbed others, so turnabout is fair play.
bb,
You've explained your accommodation well. I like your take on froggy's feelings and quest for security. Apres 9-11-01 that's pretty big with everyone.
PoLT,
The provocateur, as ever :) You're thinking of those poison dart tips ...
avedis2,
What a losing choice it sounds like your daughter has made; I'm sorry. We often mistake these electronic communiques (like FB) as a sign of camaraderie. Hopefully, she will soon learn otherwise.
I had not thought he is a DARPA frog doing recon.
Very good. Avedis1 must be impressed with that line of thought.
That’s a difficult assignment, Lisa – describing how we cope with change. I don’t think we have a conscious strategy; it’s sort of like riding a bicycle in that one makes the corrections necessary to remain upright at some pre-conscious level. And one gets better at it with practice.
In the broader sense, having some larger purpose seems to help as does the habit of working -- a routine that one sticks to when the surrounding world seems to implode. The small victories that come from doing something well affirm that one is not helpless, that we count for something.
Laughter is also important. The bravest, most indomitable spirits that I have known laughed a lot, at themselves and at the hostilities that the world can present.
And there are those who gather strength from religious or ideological conviction. “History (or God) is with us.”
Our last and strongest defense is love of those we have incorporated into our lives.
Paul,
I enjoyed your advice for navigating change. Reminded me of a fine essay on tennis I read this a.m. ("Federer as Religious Experience"), in which the writer spoke about that pre-conscious awareness in the top athletes, honed from experience.
Like you, I think love can surmount a lot, and sometimes, surmount we must.
Lisa, there is one coping technique I left out because it seems bit wimpy for RAW. That technique is mediation, which involves no more than engaging for fixed periods in a repetitive form of cognition – paying attention to respiration, telling rosary beads, knitting, whatever. Attempting to silence the chatter in our heads has a way of evaporating panic, self-pity, blame and other the other crap we engage in when living gets difficult.
Long-term mediation also seems to awaken sexuality, although the monks don’t talk about that much.
Paul,
I'm very glad you mentioned meditation; people who are under stress need it all the more. I confess to being a bad meditator, but another friend is often after me to do it, so this may be the extra nudge I need ;)
I just got in from pulling weeds and found that blissfully meditative repetition.
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