RANGER AGAINST WAR: The Lizard King <

Saturday, March 10, 2007

The Lizard King

We're on the road in the Deep South, and yesterday we made a stop in Newt Gingrich's home of Carrollton, Georgia.

I asked for directions from a truck-driving fellow at a gas station. He said, "You're in Villa Rica now, and they've got a perfectly good downtown if what you're looking for is a restaurant." "No," I somberly replied. "What I want is to see the home of Newt Gingrich." With a knowing look, he pointed me in the right direction, and said I'd find a restaurant in Carrollton's downtown, which was true.

Passing the Pure gas station on the outskirts of town, I mused that might have been one of the few things that could lay claim to that title. How apropos to be passing through his town just a day after the Newt's admission on Lou Dobbs that he was carrying on an extramarital affair whilst working on Bill Clinton's impeachment for same.

Perhaps not everyone knows that Newt is a great lover of animals, as well, and has donated to many habitats at the Atlanta Metro Zoo, including the rhino and lizard exhibits. And again, how appropos that Newt would donate to his namesake animal kin, the lizards, as he has assiduously followed the dictates of his own lizard brain in his personal conduct.

It is a bit hypocritical that the conservative religious right will pray for their own misled bretheren, whereas when their liberal counterparts join in the same perfidious activities they are likened to the spawn of Satan. When Newt fell off the wagon during his first extramarital affair, his paramour Anne Manning told Vanity Fair in 1995 that Newt's preferred modus operandi was oral sex as, he could then deny having "gone to bed" with her.

Same of course with Mr. Clinton, who, being from Arkansas, could in good faith claim that he "did not have sex" with Ms. Lewinsky, as surely oral contact is something other than sex, which presumably is executed in the missionary position in flannels in the dark, for the sole purpose of procreation.

Of course, anything is better than another Ted Haggard scenario among Newt's constituents. After all, women have a pedigree of being Jezebels and Delilahs and Liliths...

By Lisa and Jim

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