A Different Kind of Agapē

--October Revolution, Paresh Nath
The Khaleej Times (UAE)

Keep your eyes a little wide and blank.
Show no interest or excitement.
--Invasion of the Body Snatchers (1956)
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I was impressed by most of what I saw in Maine, New Hampshire and Vermont. What follows is one negative observation of the local environs upon return.

I am reminded that the South is the land of false politesse. While the bathroom guy from Maine a few weeks ago epitomized the tenor of disagreements up North, at least you knew where you stood. One had the sense that most citizens were glad to enter into a political debate and even to disagree, and if they didn't have the time for more, they'd say that, too.

In the South, however, if you sport a point of view which differs from the status quo (which in this area means deviating from discussion about Saint Bobby and the boys on their latest gridiron battle), you will be met with a wide-eyed look of quasi-shock, something you may misinterpret as curious approval. If the agog eyes are combined with an agape mouth, you know approval was not the correct interpretation.

Southerners display a sort of false politesse, which demands that if they disagree with you, they must simply get away. The gestures are legion: men will cast their eyes down while shaking their ahead, often rubbing their chin at the same time. They are thinking: how fast can I make an exit. Some call it politeness, but I find directness to be more polite. In fact, their behavior is a socially-sanctioned form of lying.

The thing of it is, you never know for sure, and they probably don't either. At first glance, one might think one has elicited a look of interest. However, the chameleon-like, wide-eyed aspect never shifts, unless you veer into the more comfortable topics of Bass fishing and family reunions.

I imagine when they are amongst their own a transformation occurs similar to that of Eddie Murphy's SNL character of yore who traded his down-in-the-heels street demeanor for a smoking jacket and glass of Courvoisier when he stepped into his home. But when in the company of Ranger and observing the reaction of his local interlocuters, I often observe the Southern false politesse. It may not be so much aggression as ignorance, but it is there.

At least in the Northeast and out West, you usually know where you stand, and they do, too. Engagement can occur if both parties are interested. In the South, the best you'll get is, "Isn't that sump'in'?" or "You don't say?" You know you're done for if you get the saccharine, "Well, now isn't that precious?" It will be followed by, "It's been real nice talkin' to you. Y'all drop by sometime now, y'hear?"

Which means, when issued without a definite date, "Don't bother, thanks." This sort of invitation expires upon issuance.