eDisharmony.com

As a former military officer, he is a hardened,
realistic person who lives in a fortified apartment
with an arsenal of weapons including a Smith & Wesson M76
submachine gun, an infrared-equipped
Browning Automatic Rifle and satchel charges
--The Omega Man (1971)

Mr. Duffy lived
a short distance from his body
--Dubliners, James Joyce

Call a Ranger,
When you absolutely need it destroyed overnight
--Poster

To thine own self be true
--Hamlet, Shakespeare

No promises, no demands
Love is a battlefield
--Love is a Battlefield, Pat Benatar
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We hope that you have enjoyed a happy Dies Natalis Solis Invicti. Ranger is on the road and Lisa is recovering from a wicked cold, so we will be back to regular postings after the New Year. For the interim, some musings.

Ranger recently met an executive from the Maine potato country who was traveling through Florida on his way to meet his new sweetie, courtesy eHarmony.com. Musing upon this fellow's happy happenstance, Ranger opined that the site might be a fertile area for his exploration. However, when Lisa suggested that he ought not foist himself upon members seeking, well, harmony, he agreed.

Being an idea guy and knowing himself well-enough, he proposed the idea of a sister site, eDisharmony.com. A place which would welcome those who are at home with dissention and would like to dispense with all of the usual drivel (as they see it) of long conversations and walks on the beach. This would be a site for the hook-up crowd.

The audience would be those who wish to dispense with sly suggestions about seeking "possible long-term relationships." Neurotic, narcissistic, borderlines are welcome. Even drama queens are good for a few rodeos.

At eDisharmony, one could state the non-negotiable length of relationship sought. These hook-ups would have a built-in self-destruct button, depending upon one's particular constellation of neuroses. After all, almost anyone can be a success in the three-month range.

It would be a breath of fresh air for the "Sneaky Petes" and cougars of the world, unabashed superficiality and short-term relationships being the catch words. It would offer a level of honesty beyond that of any current dating sites for those who are sincerely insincere. The subtitle would be, "No Soul, but a Whole Lotta Me."

Sample questions:

• Is your argumentative style more aggressive or retreating?
• Do you prefer to sulk or cry?
• Do you prefer to leave your mate wondering to where you have disappeared, or to subject them to endless harangues?
• Are you masochist or sadist?
• Do you prefer to shout and berate your mate, or molder in silent discontent and revenge fantasies?

No need for lying here. The site would include a "Me Meter," where one could register one's requirements (measurements, coloration, etc.) No need for exaggeration or false humility. You do not accept the "person beneath the skin." Appearance is the thing.

What do you say when you are beyond sunsets, cooking together, shows, fishing and beaches? What is left? Dissention! Power plays! Cannibalism. Ultimately, isolation. "Between the desire/And the spasm" falls the shadow, as T.S. Eliot, your poet laureate, dismally declared.

eDisharmony would eliminate the veneer or civility. Those with multiple divorces win bonus points.

Ultimately, Ranger decided the questionnaire process would be too onerous, require too much effort and be more self-revelatory than he would wish for.

Back to the drawing board.