Buying the Farm

Pick the solitude that creates this cage.
Does the gray ever tire?
Does it ever feel pain?
I want to see color again
--Chew Your Fingers, Glass Casket

The end of an empire
Is messy at best
And this empire's ending
Like all the rest
--A Few Words in Defense of Our Country,
Randy Newman
_______________

When you want your Maker to know what you done in this life, there is the Military Art Casket.

The advertisement ran in the July/August Purple Heart Magazine, and we went online to find particulars. They are sold at various sites, including Lynch supply (I kid you not) along with other vanity coffins, to include "The Last Stop" model (for truckers); "Fairway to Heaven" (golfers), and "The Race is Over" (in case you hadn't noticed, for racing fans). A peculiar bias exists as there is a "Korean War Veteran" and "Coast Guard" model, but nothing for the dearly departed of other recent conflicts.

They do feature a "premium crepe interior" for your comfort -- none of this shoddy middlin' value crepe, which would pill after too much movement. There are also "Plus-size" caskets for the "slightly large person," but they lack the slide bar hardware. (I don't know what you do if you are "real large.") Presumably if you're in one of those babies, they figure you won't be using the quick release anytime soon.

Ranger would like to go to the Great Beyond in style, and was hoping to find a hybrid Dale Earnhardt NASCAR/military branch model. While gratified to see the racing fan model, it was not specific to NASCAR, so my dream casket will have to remain just that.

Alternately, I was looking for a Special Forces model, possibly something in all black to signify Black Ops, but with no identifying crest, people might not get it. And besides, all black is a bit morbid outside of SoHo or the financial district in San Fransisco.