Ain't That America

Leonard Smalls, Lone Biker of the Apocalypse
--Raising Arizona (1987)

yeah, I'm feelin' fine...
you know, and Jesus walks up to me, and he says
"Mojo", "Mojo, I'm gonna take you to someplace
you need to be", and I say, uh,
I say "Take me Jesus," and Jesus took me..

I saw the entire Robert Johnson-John Lee Hooker-Muddy Waters
record collection stretched before me
an' a brand new stereo, I got a thousand watts o' power,
I got a new car, it's got second gear, and I'm, I'm feelin' fine

I ain't gotta work at no day job no more, cuz
that's not my wife, that's not my life
--Jesus at McDonald's, Mojo Nixon and Skid Roper
_________

Ranger doesn't usually share personal observations, but Huckabee's god required a show-and-tell.

Yesterday, a homeless beggar was plying his trade outside the local home supply depot. No big deal; these guys are on every street corner in our town it seems. But this guy was on a cell phone, networking no doubt.

A denizen of our local American Legion is another homeless gent, this one has a laptop that he plugs into outside receptacles. When inside the coffee shop, he uses the WIFI connection. When Clinton proposed an initiative that every third-grader would be wired, was the expectation that this would lead to full employment? Perhaps some kind of "full participation" in society?

Also yesterday in a public toilet was a gent at the urinal, talking on the cell phone while draining his lizard.

This logically brought to mind a recent sighting of woman driver at a light who was putting on makeup and talking on the cell, simultaneously. The truly amazing thing was when the light changed, she drove off and continued her act.

Last week Ranger saw a hardcore motorcycle type cruising down the highway while talking on a hand-held cellphone.

Two days ago, Lisa's friend with the right-of-way was rammed into by a cell-phone talking woman who busted a red light. A woman who then had the chutzpah to yell at the paramedics who were tending to her friend, who got the worst of the impact, "I got a BABY in this car!" You've got a baby on board and you're driving like a banshee?

Ranger will skip the anti-cell phone rant. Most cell phone conversations we hear around these parts revolve around "Where are you/Where you at?", the answer to which doesn't seem to advance civilization all that much.

The six scenarios were so classic that they needed to be shared. Can you top them?