Footloose and Fancy Free

Rainer Hachfeld,
Neues Deutschland

Q: Why won't Baptists screw standing up?
A: Someone might think they're dancing

You know, we love to move around.
And, we're not supposed to dance at all anymore
--Kurt Vonnegut

You can fly if you'd only cut
Loose, footloose
Kick off your Sunday shoes
Oowee, Marie
Shake it, shake it for me
--Footloose, Kenny Loggins
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Findley, Ohio, senior Tyler Frost was suspended from his Christian school after attending last Friday's prom at the secular school of his unfortunately-named girfriend, Rebecca Smooty (Ohio Teen Suspended for Going to Girlfriend's Prom).

We will not discuss the legality of the school's action (Frost had signed an agreement at the start of the year to abide by the school's policies) but rather, that there are schools and sects that believe dancing and girl's showing bared shoulders are the devil's handmaidens.

What is the difference between the Taliban and the policies of American Christian educational institutions like Oral Roberts U or Bob Jones? It seems just a matter of degree.

Why would God be opposed to dancing? This is probably one of the oldest forms of human social behavior, probably predating screwing standing up (though Ranger has no liturgical data.) Was the Christian's idea to distance themselves from the revelrous Pagans, when displacing their gods with the One True God ©, this God of stern mien who meant serious business? Stuff like tithing 10% and not using condoms. (The Ten Commandments was just prelude.)

In the beginning was The Word, and it was: No Dancing! (with echo effect.) He wants us to know, this will not be fun.

As Minstrel Boy might say, fuck me running.