Happy Travails

Fuck you, fuck you very very much
cause we hate what you do
and we hate your whole crew
so please don’t stay in touch
Fuck You Very Much, Lily Allen
_________________

Final PUC installment: The Tacky End.

Ranger feels uniquely honored that two generations in his family have been awarded Presidential Unit Citations (PUC's), and that they were first- and second-generation Americans.

But he remains pissed that his government only sees fit to issue him a 3-cent Kinkos copy of his PUC, poorly reproed at that, where his father has an official presentation copy signed by Secretary of the Navy Forrestal. It's the little things.

Is it that the Navy is a more refined branch of service? Is it that the military in general behaved more respectfully toward its award recipients in the days of yore?

From his Department of the Army letter to "Mr. Hruska": "The Soldier does not receive an individual citation or unit citation." But nowhere in the letter does the DA refer to any Army regulations which dictate this miserly policy. Why not? After all, the Army loves it some regs.

The salve his psyche, Ranger can go online and purchase his own copy of the citation from eBay for $24.95, and they'll even personalize it with his name, rank and serial number. Capitalism at its finest.

Ranger's insults are cumulative. First, MACVSOG was not recognized for over 20 years due to the secretive nature of the mission. Then, Ranger unceremoniously discovered via reading Soldier of Fortune magazine in a bookstore four years after the fact that the PUC was even awarded to his unit. Finally, he was denied the award until he got Representative Allen Boyd's veterans advocate on board.

Ranger admits he is being bitchy. Anyone should be proud to have a PUC xerox copy for his wartime efforts.

File this under: From a Grateful Nation. Fuck you very much.

MACVSOG PUC, Redux: Respect

I'm about to give you all of my money
And all I'm askin' in return, honey
Is to give me my propers
When you get home
--Respect, Aretha Franklin

My blood runs cold
My memory has just been sold
--Centerfold, J. Geils Band

Smart lad, to slip betimes away
From fields were glory does not stay
And early though the laurel grows
It withers quicker than the rose
--To An Athlete dying Young,
A. E. Housman
_________________

This may seem a tempest in a teapot to those who have never been in military bureaucracy, but if they cannot get even this small citation issue right, that seems indicative of slippages in more consequential areas.

To recapitulate: Ranger finally received his Presidential Unit Citation in February after petitioning and being rejected by the Army's Awards and Decorations branch. It was only through intervention by Ranger's Congressman Allen Boyd, and his veterans assistant Michael Bishop, that the citation, awarded to the unit in 2001, was finally issued to Ranger. Although the letter of authorization and DD215 were finally sent, no certificate was sent.

Instead, what you see here is what he got: no heavy paper, no embossed seal -- just a plain Kinko's 3 ¢ copy on cheap paper.

The citation exists -- Ranger's father has his own PUC certificate earned in World War II with his name indicated on the document, and the MACVSOG PUC certificate has been posted online by its various recipients. It is on parchment, with blue embossing, and bears the official seal. (A Google search turned up a copy online posted by Ranger's associate Fred "Lightening" Wunderlich here.)

The HQ Department of the Army, Chief of the Military Awards branch, actually wrote my senator a letter saying the citation cannot be given to an individual recipient (me). If not to us, the recipients, then to whom? Maybe it just doesn't go to Special Forces officers who are audacious enough to write against the current wars.

What about, "We Support the Troops"? The Kinko's copy of my cert is a finger in my eye, and not a meet tribute from a grateful nation. To Ranger, this is a denigration of his service, and is indicative of the value placed upon his service. Soldiers are not given xerox copies of their awards.

The wording of the citation is even incorrect: twice it is given correctly as "Studies and Observations Group" (SOG); however, six times SOG is called "Special Operations Group" -- a unit that never existed! So 75% of the references to the awarded unit are incorrect. One would think that a document authorized by the President and signed by the Secretary of the Army would be technically correct.

Ranger is torqued that such a simple administrative process has morphed into a typical military run-around. As an aside, he has received his share of "Howdy, fellow snake eater letters" which are invariably from SOCNET sorts seeking to "blow his cover". They usually come back, tail between legs, touting their great contacts on the inside, and how they've vetted Ranger.

Well, if any of you patriots has a contact in awards and decorations, please help me find out why another patriot can't get his PUC certificate. If all else fails, maybe Ebay will come through for me -- they are selling MACVSOG unit citations here. The surrealism of this reality almost trumps Vietnam.

Thanks for your service, boys and girls -- now get lost.