Who Let the Dogs Out?

--Dog Doogity, Martin Luther
(click on pix to hear)

I like the way you work it
No diggity, I got to bag it up, bag it up
--No Diggety, Backstreet

Don't let your dogs do that
on other people's yards
--Deputy Barber

Since God gave man freedom,
we can, if need be, accept the idea
that He is not responsible for man’s crimes.
The responsibility for shit, however,
rests entirely with Him, the Creator of Man
--The Unbearable Lightness of Being,
Milan Kundera
___________________

Today's topic is dog poop. Oh that Tallahassee had the environmental awareness of say, Puget Sound: Dogblog just featured Martin Luther's catchy green vid reminding dog walkers to "bag it up". In the South, pinworms, hookworms -- you name 'em, they're a fact of life. It ain't considered "natch'ull" to touch the dirty deed; just look the other way and move along.

People are confused about dogs. Slate answers in the affirmative today to the query, "Will Your Dog Eat Your Face off if You Die at Home?" Maureen Dowd writes today on "Hitler's Talking Dogs": “At a Nazi study course, a talking dog was once asked ‘Who is Adolf Hitler?’ and replied ‘Mein Führer!” A dog poop-bedeviled individual of the internet community asks, "Am I weird to think dogs are dirty and gross yet cute?": "They are adorable but they poo and pee and remnants remain in their fur." Alas -- it seems you cannot trust them, and they are filthy.

Tallahassee sports billboards saying, "Dog Poop Isn't Cute," explaining that uncontrolled droppings contaminate groundwater. Okay, except the new proposals for Leon County's animal control ordinance do not seem to support this concern; the restrictions do not apply to kittens or puppies younger than 4 months old:

• Up to 10 cats and/or dogs would be allowed on properties 1.5 acres or less.
• Eleven to 20 dogs and/or cats would be allowed on 1.5 to 2.5 acres.
• Twenty-one to 30 dogs and/or cats would be allowed on 2.5 to 5 acres of land.
• Thirty or more cats and dogs would be allowed on more than 5 acres.

Whether 11 -20 or 21-30 dogs on 1.5 acres, that is a lot of poop; that is more than overflows from Congress these days. If Ranger builds a house, he must have a septic system or link into sewage disposal for my excrement; however, there is no such legal requirement for dog's poop. This is contrary to public health concerns! Why is it permissible for dogs to defecate whenever and wherever they want?

Why are my feces regulated by health department codes but not those of dogs owned by humans? In short, owners of multiple dogs should be required to install septic systems to sanitarily deal with the dog's excrement.

[The topic is near and dear the Ranger's heart as a neighbor installed a dog kennel housing 20+ large dogs within 150 yards of his house several years ago. In his rural county, there was no health code restricting this wholesale production of poop; septic tanks are only required for humans.]

Tempers flare high on this issue. While we are always keen to display Florida's multifarious episodes of malfeasance, sometimes, Mississippi outdoes us:

Blasingame told the AP that they argued because Tenhet shot his dog last week and threatened to kill him and his dog "over poop."

Tenhet denies shooting the dog: "I said 'Jerry, your dog ain't even dead. He said 'Just meet me at the levee and I'll shoot you down."'

Blasingame said he got a gun and left the house in his truck, hoping Tenhet would follow so there would be no confrontation in front of bystanders.

Blasingame says Tenhet was armed when he returned to the neighborhood: "(Tenhet) said, 'Point that gun at me.' I said, 'No, point that gun at me.' He shot twice. I returned fire."

Tenhet says he was unarmed when Blasingame returned and told Tenhet he was going to shoot him: "I said, man, do what you gotta do" before Blasingame opened fire.

For those of you outside of the Stroke Belt, count yourself fortunate. Woof, woof.

Floating Downstream

Well, I'll tell you 'bout the casket, my good friends
It would-a made your poor eyes pop
It was sterling silver all around and a real Formica top.

Well, I'll tell you 'bout the widow, my good friends,
The widow was in navy blue
With a gown designed by Balenciaga, I supplied that too.
--A Dying Business, Chad Mitchell Trio

Taunting us with visions
Afflicting us with fear
Predicting war for millions
In the hope that one appears

Terror, death, destruction
Pour from the eastern sands
But the truth of all predictions
Is always in your hands
--Die With your Boots On, Iron Maiden (1985)
___________

It's time we start doing things that make sense. The following goes under environmentalism, not morbidity; it is about eco-friendly caskets (Going Out the Natural Way). Death is a part of life, and since this site deals tangentially with death, why not talk of the ways in which it can be faced rationally.

"Cynthia Beal wants to be an Oregon cherry tree after she dies. She has everything to make it happen: a body, a burial site and a biodegradable coffin.

"'It is composting at its best,' said Beal, owner of The Natural Burial Co., which will sell a variety of eco-friendly burial products when it opens in January, including the Ecopod, a kayak-shaped coffin made out of recycled newspapers.

"Biodegradable coffins are part of a larger trend toward "natural" burials, which require no formaldehyde embalming, concrete vaults, chemical lawn treatments or laminated caskets."

"Options range from natural-fiber shrouds to fair-trade bamboo caskets lined with unbleached cotton." Prices start at $100 for your basic cardboard box. If you really wanted to be in the recycling spirit, I s'pose you could rifle through the rubbish bin behind your local Ross and find a suitably sized shipping receptacle.

My father brought the article to my attention. When the time comes, he will donate his body to a medical school. We all thought this might be for economic considerations, but it costs as much to make those arrangements as it does for a typical funeral. He just wants to do the right thing.

That is one great thing about my wacky parents -- they eschew materialism. Mother rails against lavish and showy bridal parties, "An egotistical waste of tens of thousands of dollars, gone in a day. Donate that money to building a children's playground." She has never seen Kurosawa's Ikiru, but she has arrived independently at that salarimen's end-of-life knowledge.

There is little as disgusting and extravagantly wasteful as titanium, satin-lined caskets in which bodies decompose, and which nobody ever really visits. Whatever happened to "ashes-to-ashes"? It becomes some rote part of the liturgy, but it sure isn't implemented. The pitch of the casket salesmen seems aimed to tap into some sense of guilt over obligations unfulfilled.

As mother says, she won't be around to see the satin and flowers, so don't waste time and money on it. If you have something to say to someone, better do it now, because they won't see your gestures then.

Why is it that the folks who claim a rock-hard theology and a belief in the afterlife and a reward therein, are often the ones wailing the loudest at the point of their own imminent demise, or those of their loved ones? Is it fear? Is it greed and possessiveness?

--Lisa