The Way Things Oughta Be

Those black-eyed peas
They tasted all right to me Earl
And it turns out he was a missing person
Who nobody missed at all
--Goodbye Earl, Dixie Chicks

No, I ain't got time to waste on killin'
some old Ranger with holes in his underwear.
There's plenty more need killin'

I hate rude behavior in a man...I won't tolerate it
--Lonesome Dove (1989)
________________

[1] Craig Bodington must die! Craig is the Great White Hunter - gunman extraordinaire and wholesale killer of every manner of large mammal on the planet for the pure pleasure and sport of killing.

He can be seen decked out in his Thinsulate goodies and tree bark of the latest pattern on the Hunting Channel taking glee in his murders, always yanking the head of the dead or dying noble beast back by its antlers, a la porno submission shots.

If Craig Bodington meets his demise it would save untold hundreds of big game animals from dyng needlessly violent deaths. It should occur via the rules laid out in "The Most Dangerous Game," he stripped of his sophisticated blinds and warm clothing and high-powered rifles and laser scopes.

For good measure, some doe urine should be sprayed on his person, and an 18-pointer allowed to go into his grid square as the coup de grace.

If justice prevailed, Craig wold be bled out in the same manner met by his victims, the poor, dumb animals on the canned safaris. And someone would pull his head back, mouth agog and tongue hanging, for the money shot.

[2] Stewart Parnell, president of Peanut Corporation of America, his plant manager, board of directors and their families should have to subsist on their own peanut products for a week of digestive Russian Roulette. They are responsible for nine deaths and over 500 illnesses resulting from salmonella-tainted products the factory knowingly released (Peanut Company Owner Refuses to Testify to Congress.)

[3] The L.A. fertility doctor, Dr. Michael Kamrava, who implanted unmarried, unemployed, unstable Nadya Suleman, with six more embryos after the first batch produced three disabled progeny out of six, should have to pay for the new batch of octuplets until they reach they age of consent. The latest brood was also produced from the same sperm donor.

ABC's chief medical editor, Dr. Nancy Snyderman, said, "Long term, because some of these children will be physically or mentally challenged, there’s a looming price tag out here. The hospital bill alone will run $1.5 to $3 million. . . just to get through special-needs stuff — it’s going to have to come from somewhere, either the taxpayers of California or her family or her church or the hospital. But she can’t do it alone.”

Justice implies taking responsibility for one's actions, and this mass implantation was beyond irresponsible.